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help me fly
20 most recent entries

Date:2006-02-26 01:59
Subject:Voice Post
Mood: tired

445K 2:16
(no transcription available)

If the mp3 cuts off before being done, just save it as and play it in a media player. Loading it in the web browsers from LJ sometimes causes some glitch, and I'm too lazy to put in a support ticket about it right now. I'm sure it's a known issue.

Yeah, it was a good concert tonight and Flogging Molly kicked ass. I'm going to have to look up The Dead Pets, because they were a really good band, and I liked their use of brass. They weren't ska, but they had some brass, and it was cool. I'm a li'l tired now, so this is all you get.

(shine on me)

Date:2006-02-07 09:15
Subject:Voice Post:

290K 1:35
“uhh.. home sick from work today. this is the second time in the last thirty daysso i dunno what the hell is wrong with me. i just, like, have weird stomach problems or something... *cough* just layin on the couch chuggin on the bottle of pepto... drinkin gatorade... trying to get in touch with my doctor but im getting a busy signal or something. cause it would be really cool to have a docotor's uh note or reciept if im seeing a doctor when i return to work and have to explain to my boss, who probably doesnt believe me that im sick. heh. and have been. he probably gets it all the time with people like "im gonna go party!" im not partyin'. im watchin bay news nine.. and drinkin pepto bismol.. petting the dog maybe... and shitting my brains out. there is a <i>lot</i> of shitting of brains. been doing that for a while; most of this morning. *sigh* iono.. im sick. i dont think its the flu. i dont feel feverish but definitly something wrong with me. i dunno. toodloos then.”

Transcribed by: alliwanted

(2 rays of light will shine on me)

Date:2005-12-30 12:59
Subject:Snape kills Dumbledore
Mood: cranky

Woke up late for work today... doesn't matter, boss doesn't seem to care.

Whole Wheat Bread, Can't Do It, Select Start show tonight...

Possibly party at Audrey's with Gina and that gang tomorrow night.

Things are happening. I'm doing active stuff... yet... I still feel like I'm not.

Tax Returns for 2005 should be like $964, if my calculations are correct, which they probably aren't.

(2 rays of light will shine on me)

Date:2005-11-17 11:30
Subject:You make me com-plete-ly miserable.
Mood: whatever, yo

Reply to this entry by posting a picture of yourself in the comments, then post this sentence in your own journal. The magic repeats itself and you just made the world a happier place. Isn't that what you want?

Tomorrow is the last day for me to RSVP for the corporate IT holiday party thing at Tropicana Field Dec 3rd... I had a potential date, but she backed out. Fux. I can bring one guest. I really wanted to bring a girl, but maybe Roderick and I can go look gay together at it or something. Maybe I just won't go. I just get the feeling I should as like some kind of "I support my company thing." Might give me brownie points with the higher ups.

I'm a little pissed she backed out. I'll get over it. I'm a little pissed in general. I like her too.

Times like now is when I think of moving to some random cabin in the wilderness of Alaska and being a hermit. People are just pissing me off I guess. I'm pissing me off. I need to stop thinking too much into shit. It's like, "Oh golly me, this girl is talking to me for an extended period of time! Maybe she digs me!" Nope, WRONG, WRONG... WRONG... wrong...

I'll just start hitting them. That'll make me dark and mysterious. Everytime some girl talks to me, I wallop her in the jaw. Then the rumor will spread. Girls will want to find out if they can be the one to break through my hard asshole biker exterior.

I could always suck cock too. I know boys like me.

Celtic festival... I'm practically going to be alone. Both Shay and Andrea backed out. I am so annoyed.

(10 rays of light will shine on me)

Date:2005-11-02 14:01
Subject:This is a public post...
Mood: holding on

For those comming here who aren't a friend, reply anywhere and I'll probably add you.

The Actual PostCollapse )

Jason said something to me the other night, Halloween night, at Cruserz, "Oh, that's right, you have morals." It didn't at the time, but now I think about it, and it stings. Am I really so strange?

Sometimes I say to myself, "I want to be dirty. I want to be bad. I want to soil myself and destroy everything I stand for." I never do, but it's a thought that pops up. Why do I act the way I do? Why do I put so much effort fourth to keeing myself clean? Why do I put myself through all this garbage?

Maybe I'm scared. Scared of what will happen or what will become. Would I lose myself? Where is myself? I want strings. I want vines. I want ropes. I want lines.

Fairytales Tell TalesCollapse )

(9 rays of light will shine on me)

Date:2004-07-07 10:29
Subject:Friends Only

If you feel you have gotten this message in error, please login and try again, or if you are not on my friends list, post a comment stating you would like to be added, and I will consider your addition.

(14 rays of light will shine on me)

Date:2004-07-07 10:25
Mood: disappointed

From now on, this journal will only be accessable by people I list as friends. Drama and controversy is being created by people viewing my posts. Believing I should not be forced to alter what I post about, or the style in which I do so, I instead have chosen to change this to a friends only journal.

For those of you who are on the friends list, you will have to login to view my posts, as well as reply to them. If you feel you are mistakingly overlooked as someone who should be on the friends list, feel free to post a comment saying so, and I will consider your addition.

Thank you!

(shine on me)

Date:2004-07-07 09:42
Subject:Raymond James Report
Mood: cheerful

So, yeah, had an interview at Raymond James Financial today. Apparently, I'm going to be a security guard. Starting part-time, will be given full-time when I prove myself worthy of it. The guy I talked to was cool as hell, my interviewer, seemingly, the head of the security there. He had a thick history of employment with different Police Departments, including the NYC Police Department, he was a Detective Hostage Negotiator there. He made comments as to the garb I wore as I came in to an interview at a multi-million dollar corporation. He pointed out that I must be hard on my luck, and in a financial knot, and I nodded, and explained how I got here. He told me he'd help me out by giving me a job. Hopefully this will turn out good. I don't know what my pay will be, but I'm assuming it's not minimum wage.

As for Home Shopping Network... I have no clue what happened with that. It makes no sense. They tell me I have the job there, they tour me around, take my peepee, have me sign a crapload of paperwork, but never call me with my schedule. I assume they found someone more qualified or something. I'm not going to spend anymore time hoping on that.

Also, at Raymond James, they have a University there, RJU. It's free to employees. It's a school of buisness primarily, but also focuses on IT and things of that nature. So I anticipate, perhaps, taking courses on buisness there, and maybe allowing myself to move up the corporate ladder. So I can be an even bigger corporate whore than I ever have been.

One funny thing my interviewer told me was that the job, essentially, isn't really difficult. No one really steals anything so much as a pencil. Everyone wears thier name tags. Little to no report of incidense of intruders. He said the main problem they face at Raymond James is women bringing thier domestic disputes and problems to work with them. There are well over 800 women who work at Raymond James, he told me, and that means well over 800 men (and sometimes women) angerly comming to thier work place to yell at them for another date or why they broke up, or whatever. As the women change thier home phone numbers and addresses and stuff to get away from them, and then they go to whereever they know she goes, Raymond James. He said this happens almost daily. Which means I can say funny things like, "Go away, she doesn't love you." or "I was the one she slept with, what are you gunna do about it!" to these people. Should be fun.

(1 ray of light will shine on me)

Date:2004-07-06 15:37
Mood: cynical

Got an interview with Raymond James Financial tomorrow... wish me luck. Perhaps I can be a security guard. Hard to be happy about it.

(shine on me)

Date:2004-07-06 01:01
Subject:another explosion
Mood: aggravated

Tonight, Matt was here with his girlfriend. I typically don't mind her, I think she's nice. But they got to messing around on the couch. I, being in the same room, was feeling uncomfortable with it going on right behind me, as I am everytime it occurs. I mention something for them to take it somewhere else, as it was making me uncomfortable. If I am a freak for this, then sling the stones. Almost instantaneously he begins to explode over it. He brought up shit that literally has nothing to do with such a simple request. I am a jealous, bitter failure at life apparently. That's why I felt uncomfortable, cause I'm a failure at life. My only problem was that something that is a personal moment was going on right in my viscinity, and only this time, I wouldn't just go take a walk until it was over. Cause I am busy chatting with a friend online.

Point being, I don't see why I should compromise my security, in the place I live. Yes, I was feeling insecure and uncomfortable around it. Why? I really don't know, I was, and I do. I brought this up with Joan once, about him bringing his girlfriend here to lay about and crap. And she agreed, saying that I shouldn't feel ashamed asking it to be taken elsewhere, whether that meant her place, his place, another room, or outside. I don't know. I don't like making him mad, but this particular subject, I've had enough just walking away, or vacating so he can do what he needs to do. I live here. Other people do as well. And no one who lives here likes having to vacate a room so that he can have privacy. And I know he doesn't ask we do, but it's a given, it is a private moment, and everyone gets all awkward and leaves the room so the moment can be had. One night Nathaniel and I just sat in his car all night, not cause we wanted to, but cause we didn't want to interrupt what was going on.

And the one night I finally say something about it, as subtle as it was, he explodes. I understand he's had a bad day, but... fuck, I'm sorry. Then he told me he had no where else to go. He has a room in his home with his parents, where all his stuff is. All his pets are there. I understand the house is in quite a messy condition, but he has somewhere to go. I knew he was going to get all pissed off, but I'm not going to be scared of him. I told him what was on my mind about the current situation, and it wasn't appreciated. But bringing your girlfriend into your friend's place to make-out isn't as appreciated either. No offense to his girlfriend, she is a lovely girl, but... I mean, how can this not be understood? If I am in the wrong, which I really don't think I am, whatever... I'm not going to sit here and put my bloodpressure to suffer cause I can't comprehend his reaction. I know I never took like Savitre over to like... Mikey's house, laid on his bed, and just... ugh! I never even had those mements with her here, knowing other people lived here, and would actively be in the same room. Whatever, had to be said sooner or later.

I know he's done things for me before. He has driven me to church multiple times, sometimes on little to no sleep. He's taken me with him job hunting, we've gone fishing a lot. But these are things friends do. They are not things to use as leeway on another person. Telling me I'm wrong because he does things for me... I don't buy that.

I dunno... I'll have a talk with everyone about it... if I'm wrong, all I can do is apologise.

(3 rays of light will shine on me)

Date:2004-07-05 18:06
Subject:update wee
Mood: content

July 4th was spend on Gandy beach with Leyann, David, Roderick (spell?), and Drea, and some other shady people that Leyann new, people I was like...

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July 4th was spend on Gandy beach with Leyann, David, Roderick (spell?), and Drea, and some other shady people that Leyann new, people I was like... <_< >_> about... but whatever. After the evening was ruined because some people decided it would be a good idea to go smoke out instead of like... hanging out. I said something to Leyann about it, and she agreed, then she took action and began administrating, which I thought was cool, but some people there didn't agree, and then the Gandy partiness was subsequently ruined. I thought the remark one of the guys made was retarded, "I had a long day at work, I deserve it." or something to that extent... it was retarded.

Then Roderick had to drop Leyann and David off at thier house, and then me Roddie, Drea, and Roddie's pal Jerome, who was eccentric, but still cool, we all went and played pool after realising the city display of fireworks was over. Then we all kinda went home and that was that.

Today, I have been running errands in Joans car, for her, primarily getting Matt some brake fluid as his car's brakes are fucked. And now I'm back... disgruntled at a very much unneeded comment in one of my posts, but that's what happens when I leave it open for comments, which I enjoy. I like to know when people have a problem with me, so it can be confronted. But now, I need to go pick up Joan from work, bye.

(shine on me)

Date:2004-07-03 15:56
Mood: melancholy

Feeling helpless is not fun.

What do you live for?

I live for love, the chance of it.

Feeling weak isn't fun either.

(4 rays of light will shine on me)

Date:2004-07-01 02:25
Subject:here's what i want from you
Mood: contemplative

I want the following questions answered in detail, if you feel like wasting a little time to humor me. Even if I have asked you these already, just write it down again, and in more detail. Really think about it.

1. If you had wings, any kind, feathered, skinned, whatever, what would they be, and what color(s) would they have, etc?

2. With these wings, where would you go, rather, where would you fly? and why?

3. Is there anyone you'd take flying with you? Who? Why?

I dunno, consider it a creativity activity. Humor me. I plan to come to some great answers. Hell, maybe it will bring further motivation to write a story I've been dilly dallying with in my head.

I guess to be fair, I should answer my own questions.

1. I know that my wings would be feathered, it's classic, and it's angelic. Wingspan would probably be a good 7-8 feet totally extended. Though I like the classic idea of white feathers, perhaps I would have an alternate color on the stems of the feathers, something cool, like a pale blue or lavender, in the stems and then the color fades as you strech out to each feather, so that the ends are all white, it would make a speckled look, I guess. And I would imagine a glow radiating from them, probably white.

2. After having my fun flying around and kissing the stars, I'd have to make a landing somewhere. I would probably find a secluded island or even rainforesty area, near a waterfall, close enough so the mist can coat my flesh, bead on the hairs on my body. I'd like there to be a nice gazeebo kinda thing there, with some wicker chairs and a hammock, white-washed wood, with bright green vines ensnaring every piece of wood, with pretty pink and blue flowers blossoming from the vines. I may even stay there... it's remeniscent of a dream.

3. Who would I want to share this experience, and this place with? I doubt it could be appreciated by anyone male. Sorry boys, if I stereotyped you, but this is emo faggot stuff. I would want a girl with me, someone who would appreciate it, the beauty of it all. (as i sit with a blinking cursor for a good 10 minutes thinking)... I guess... I could take my mom. Someone I haven't spoken with in a long time, someone I haven't had a civilized conversation with for longer. I know that she would cry at such a beautiful sight. And it would be one of the few things I could do for her, to ease her pain, and being her closer to peace. I miss my mom... but we aren't healthy for each other... I feel like a bad son sometimes. I'll have to talk to her again soon, try to speak without anger. I would like there to be a significant other to take with me, someone I care for deeply, but there isn't one of those at the moment, so it's difficult to imagine taking anyone else.

Well, whatever, I answered them. Now you do it.

(3 rays of light will shine on me)

Date:2004-06-27 12:10
Subject:back from church
Mood: chipper

Umm... Today I became an official member of the Unitarian Universalist Church of Saint Petersburg, which does not go to say that I'm religious, but part of an organization of equally minded individuals.

Also, I did not see the Riddlin' Kids concert, but instead I saw Surfstyle and other local ska bands at the Globe that night.

Erm, last night I had some fun with Leyann, Drea, and David. We kinda did, stupid crap, when you really think about it. But it was cool, it's always fun blowing apart a girls fleet in Battleship.

I went to bed at about 11pm last night too, which is early for me, but it allowed me to wake up ay 9am for church. Slept well.

Umm... nothing else really important to say that comes to mind at the moment... so bye.

(shine on me)

Date:2004-06-26 14:40
Mood: geeky

Leading me into further depths of confusion, it seems everything is magically alright now at the house. Me and the boys, including matt, are all outside just working on cars, chatting it up with the neighbor; and it's as if Matt was never mad at me at all. My guess is that he read the journal post I made about him being angry and perhaps it made sense. Whatever, i guess, I'm not going to get up in his face and bring it back up. It's either he has realised there's nothing to be mad about, or is still mad and just simply thinks it would be easier just not to worry about it and forgive me... for whatever it was...

Today has been a laundry day for me, so when it's done, I'll go shower and primp myself up, preparing for the possibility of doing something today/tonight. I don't think I'll be all too disappointed if nothing happens. Maybe I'll just bring some anime over to Leyanns and have a marathon, if some other people feel like getting involved.

I could always bring Pita-Ten, Mahoromatic, Armitage III, or even some cheesey 70s kung-fu flicks over. Whatever... peace out.

(1 ray of light will shine on me)

Date:2004-06-26 10:49
Subject:no creative title
Mood: worried

Thanks to Andrea for helping me out last night, providing me with shelter in the recent events in my home. I apologise if my presence set things in your home even the slightest bit off-kilter. As for Matt, I came home at around 4:15am, from Andrea's, and he was fast asleep on the couch. Then as I woke this morning, a phone was ringing or something, and he thought I was someone else, and tried to give me the phone, but when noticed it was lil' ol' me, he said something to the likes of, "Oh, it's just you." And he proceeded to give the phone to the appropriate person, then leave.

I honestly just don't know what to do anymore. When I am working at HSN, I'll be able to return to that awesome schedule of work/eat/work/sleep rinse, repeat. With the addition of social interaction with those around me comes the possibility for misunderstandings. I am just losing my patience for those misunderstandings.

Whatever, if anyone has plans on doing anything today, call me/stop by... I guess I'll be up for it, me and my broke ass self.

Thanks again Drea, and if you need anything, or I can help with anything, name it.

(5 rays of light will shine on me)

Date:2004-06-25 23:50
Subject:whats more fun than a barrel of monkeys?
Mood: confused

Well, matt is pissed at me again... and I really don't know what the fuck it's over. Apparently that psycho christian girl who used to hang around over here, told him that I was talking shit... well, ok... whatever. I guess I'll have to wait until he'll let me get a word in, which may not be soon...

This is like the 3rd time this week, I think? He's blown up on me for something I don't fully comprehend or understand. And everytime, it's been about some girl... something... Now this girl I guess stopped by or called him, and told him some shit. I asked when, and he said that I was talking shit about him to her a while ago...

first off, if it was a while ago, its a fucking while ago

secondly, like... why the fuck would I tell some girl who freaks me out and I don't trust as far as I can spit, shit about my brother

he fucking knows I don't know this girl, trust this girl, or agree with any of the shit she spats out. This girl also hasn't been around here in like a month... so how or why she came up again, it's beyond me.

I'm getting a little sick of the fucking animosity going around this house against me. First, today, Chris gets on my case about shit I didn't do, and next Chris' brother matt comes over and when earlier in the day we were perfectly fucking fine, and I come back from watching a movie at Leyann's place, gone for maybe four hours... less even, and he's riding my case about something I didn't do, or even fucking remember at that.

This job at HSN needs to start working soon, so I can plan on getting out of this destructive place. I just DONT FUCKING GET IT! Just randomly, there is all sorts of animosity being strewn against me. There's just no reason for it. EIther I have a split personality disorder or people around her are getting really insecure with thier surroundings and are directing it at me.

Soon as I come home I go to give him a handshake and retracts with a stern "fuck you." And, at least to me, it's so fucking random, all I can do it say, "umm.. ok?" Then after I finish a smoke I come back inside and he immediately exits with his girlfriend spouting some shit about Maria, the girl I havent seen or heard from in a month or more. I'm gunna have to find her number and figer out what the fuck is going on.

Who the fuck are you gunna trust, some psycho attention whore or your friend. Well, I guess I know which one to start trusting myself. Even though the answer is just as illogical as the situation.

By the way, the Cowboy Bebop movie... I saw episodes of Cowboy Bebop, the series, that were more interesting.

(shine on me)

Date:2004-06-24 09:47
Subject:post to make up for the past couple days
Mood: okay

Well, first off, I got a job at HSN (home shopping network) as a merchandise handler, or merchandise preperation specialist or whatever they called it. Generally my duty will be to go to the warehouse and pull down items and products that are to appear on the next days shows. I unpack them, make sure they work, they are clean, and basically don't embarass the host if it comes up in some less than perfect nature. I don't even have to put the stuff back, that's someone else's job. I am starting at $9.00/hour with 25 hours a week, but once i get the hang of the job and know what I'm doing, I will be moved to fulltime. If I take latenight shifts, my pay raises to 9.50, and to 9.80 for overnight hours.

Also, over the past couple days... maybe week, I have felt so immensely musically blessed, like, I am discovering bands and musicians that I've never heard of before, simply cause they decide they don't want to be big and popular. I guess Indie music is the best name. None of it seems to have a genre you can fit it into. It really is making me want to go to that Curiosa Festival really bad, considering 3 of the bands I have been delving into will be there, Mogwai, Cursive, and Muse.

Not to mention teusday night I was at a local ska concert which I enjoyed thoroughly. I saw two bands, Wheel Chair Getaway Driver, and Surfstyle. WCGD was more of emo ska but I liked it a lot. And Surfstyle was a band who Leyann's boyfriend, David, participates in. Mucho hornage, very funky. It had a bounce to it, very good stuff. The singer, Chris, reminds me a lot of Lynn Strait of the former band Snot.

Tonight, I plan on seeing those two bands again at the Globe, but somehow I have to come up with $5. I bet I can do it. Good times. All this social activity will be the death of me. But hey, always the chance to find a nice girl, maybe at the globe... who knows. Not like there are any directly around me I'm into... Guess I have to wait till Summer break is over. =P

(shine on me)

Date:2004-06-22 08:19
Subject:i... just dont get it
Mood: pissed off

I really don't understand how people can still want Bush for another term. I really just don't get it. It goes way over my head. Currently most of America is like 50-50 Bush-Kerry, and thats what I don't get, is how theres still that 50 for Bush. Are people blind as to what has happened to our country since his inauguaration? The immense loss of jobs as he fumbled our economy so he could get the top 1% wealthiest americans wealthier? Like the cut of the Death Tax? Or the incredible tax cuts that went on to benefit the wealthy? and the cut of the dividend tax?

What the hell is wrong with people!?! In one term he has taken a $250-some odd billion surplus into a $500 billion defecit!! He has killed 3 million + jobs in this term!

And people explain how like... the war costs, defending the country in a time of terror is a result of the spending...

All the war, reconstruction, creation of the Homeland security, all that crap together, is only one third of his spending for the term. It amounts to one third of his losses. Not to mention him and his personal ties with Haliburton and Enron...

Why are people not seeing that we're getting anally raped! No astroglide!

And this isn't even to mention the moral issues, when it comes to stem-cells, gay marraige, and bullshit like that, I'll let that fly, cause I know that's all a matter of opinion. But this economic shit, this is fact!

I just got an idea. The reason Bush is as far ahead as he is in the polls, is due to the still overwhelming quantity of people who don't vote or don't register.


I don't care who or what you vote for, really I don't. Just vote for something! Cause you can, and it's the right that has been defended for so many years.

OMG bleeding heart *points*

(5 rays of light will shine on me)

Date:2004-06-20 08:23
Mood: content

The following are concerts I either plan on attending or have hopes of attending. Bolded band represent important ones to me. Respond if you are planning on it too. Woo Woo!

June 24th, Thursday, State Theatre 7:30PM, $8.00
Riddlin' Kids, Bayside, Neglected Superheroes, Truly Sunday, others TBA

July 10th, Saturday, Jannus Landing 6:00PM, no price posted yet
Reel Big Fish, Lucky Boys Confusion, RxBandits, Catch 22, and Suburban League

July 25th, Sunday, Ford Ampitheatre 4:00PM, $49.95
Curiosa Festival, Featuring: The Cure, Interpol, The Rapture, Mogwai, Muse, Thursday, Cursive, Copper Temple Clause, Melissa Auf de Maur, Head Automatica?

July 30th, Friday, Vinoy Park $26.00/$28.75
Vans Warped Tour 2004 featuring: Bad Religion, Flogging Molly, NoFx, Yellowcard, Bouncing Souls, Alkaline Trio, Anti-Flag, Fallout Boy, From Autumn to Ashes, New Found Glory, Simple Plan, not listing all... its like a rediculous amount...

Me Without You is also playing on the 10th... but LBC supercedes them, by quite a bit.

This concert list is me putting forth a form of goals. Going to all these will provide an opportunity to socialize more, which is something I need. I also want to see these bands. I dunno... maybe meet a nice girl ^_^!!!!

(2 rays of light will shine on me)

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